Because I am American...

This is a list comprised of a bunch of observations that I made in Haiti. I must warn you that this entry if filled with my American naivety, ignorance and spoiled mentalities.

Let us commence.
Because I am American...
-I can't drink the water
-My mom tells me to wash my fruits with hand sanitizer
-My airports don't have posters about what to do "if you get diarrhea," I should've read them
-My mood unconsciously changes when I enter a building with out AC
-I think only African women carry groceries on their heads
-It didn't occur to me that everything is under construction because 2 and a half years ago everything was destroyed
-I've never seen ocean water bluer than the sky
-I've never heard a children's/youth choir sing an original song a capella in 3-part harmony
-I had to leave my vanity in Port-au-Prince
-Seeing the sun rise over the side of a mountain blew my mind
-I charge my cell phone whenever I want, wherever I want, even in my car
I don't go to church at night just to charge my phone and I don't pay the corner store $20 to do it because they have electricity and I don't
-Sleeping on concrete makes my bones feel like they need some WD40 in the AM (This might be everybody...)
-I've never peed in a bucket...
-Not having towels to dry my hands bothers me
-I waited super long to use the indoor bathroom rather than going to the outhouse
-I've never heard someone lead worship with a megaphone
-I am the only person in the room with glasses
-People look at me funny, it's like they can smell it on me
-Being in a city named Marmelade made me think, "this must be the hometown of the Creole lady from the song Moulin Rouge" ala Christina Aguilera
-I get offended by odor
I want to live in a smell-less environment and I don't realize how unnatural that actually is
I would rather artificial smells from the rainforest, mediterranean and Brazil, Febreze is lying
All of those natural habitats probably smell offensive
-I am the only woman without my hair covered in church
-I didn't realize that in Haiti the dogs would understand Creole just like how in the US they understand English
In my head all dogs understand English
-Cleaning concrete/dirt floors makes no sense to me
These people are about principal
-I've never eaten a chicken I killed...
-It scares me to drive on the side of a mountain with out a railing
-I found a clever way to ice my water and people would come find me for a refreshing drink
-I am a slave to mirrors and time
Everywhere I go I need to be reminded of what I look like and I need to know how long it took me to refresh my memory
People from over seas aren't late because they don't care, they're late because they don't have watches
Time is relative to the sun and the roosters
-Half my meals consisted of peanut butter & (fill in the blank with crackers, bananas or bread) anything but what they were cooking in the kitchen
-I figured all the white people there were Christian and if they spoke Creole they were rich
-My best friend was first name Hand last name Sanitizer
-I don't know plants by theirs leaves
-I stared at the Asians in the airport because Asians are rare everywhere
-I got sick

Play With Your Food

The last time I woke up to a rooster was in Mexico, 2006. I remember being super elated. "How cool?! I just woke up to a rooster, just like in the movies." In Haiti, not so much. One morning I woke up and thought, "If you don't shut up I'll snap your neck and have you for dinner." I didn't think I would actually make good on that promise.

In the "kitchen" (a back open air room with charcoal bbqs) they kept said rooster tied to a piece of wood. I named him Puck because it rhymes with cluck. On Saturday I walked into the kitchen and saw six roosters. I knew what the deal was. I told them I needed to be involved in this process so that I could write this story and make good on an empty promise.

If you've never had the privilege of meeting your dinner, I recommend it. If you've never chased it around and tortured it, you'll never appreciate it. Either that or you'll become a vegetarian. One of the natives put down the first two and I wanted in on the third. I held down his neck and she slit his throat, put him in a pot and listened to it squirm; so rewarding. I told this story to my brothers and they said I sounded like a syco killer. It was because of the sheer joy that was coming out of my voice. I feel like I've earned some serious "street cred." Don't mess with me Mr. Gangster Thug cuz I can kill my own dinner. What!

The next day I killed all three with no help.

Dinner Tonight

I have had the BEST time. I don't deserve how well I've been treated at all. I am very thankful. I've learned a lot and to commemorate this trip I think I'm going to get my ear pierced. Yes EAR, not ears. Random I know.
My aunt is downstairs cooking lots of wonderful things like: egg rolls, mini franks, rice and sauce pwa, baked mac and cheese, and many kinds of meat. My cousins are here and my new french friends are coming. Writing this is making me a bit emotional but I have no tear ducts so no worries.
In the last two days I have seen: Chateau Vincennes, Sacre Ceour, Moulin Rouge, La Seine, climbed to the 2nd level of the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre and the Big Wheel.
I have crossed everything off my list except Centre Pompidou but I have to leave something for next time right?
My cousins seriously don't understand why people think Paris is pretty. They don't understand why people want to come visit. When something is your hand its hard to understand the value. They've never seen Paris the way they've seen it with me. EVER! Who lives in France and hasn't been up the Eiffel Tower? My cousins. Never been to the Louvre, Musse d'Orsay and its free for them. FREE!
Needless to say I'm thankful. I have shopped til I dropped and I can seriously go home satisfied.

Weird things:
French homeless people are super aggressive. There are less of them but they make up for it.
Its rare to sit on a train and not have some kind of musical entertainment. I've seen at least four accordions since I've been here.

Tomorrow we are going to a legit French Flea Market. I will again shop, all for me because I have spoiled my friends with the gross amount of souvenir shopping I have done. Then I will sleep and wake up to a....


WHo knows what was supposed to go at the end of this but I just decided to post this draft almost a year later.